Little did I know.....

how close I was when I made that last post! Paul Daniel is here!! I have been wanting to get on here to post my "labor story" and just haven't had the chance to do it. So now I have the chance to write that along with other things that have been going on since then. It's amazing how drastically my life has changed since April 30th!

So here's my "labor story"....as I had posted before, trying to sleep was a major challenge every night, and Wednesday night was especially impossible. I just couldn't settle in - I tried the bed, the couch, a chair....tried playing computer games, pleading with God....NOTHING seemed to work. And all I could think about was how impossible it would be for me to make it another week. So finally I decided to just suck it up at about 5:30am and forced myself to lay down. I hugged that body pillow so tight and finally I drifted off in my own bed....about 20 minutes later, I felt what seemed like two swift kicks to my abdomen and I started urinating in bed! I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, and when I tried to get up, I was still going! Adam later said he knew something was up because I kept flushing the toilet. I finally made it to the other bathroom to get a pad and called labor and delivery - I knew that there was something up....wasn't sure if it was my water, but I knew this wasn't "normal" either way. The L&D nurse told me to clean up, walk around and call back in a half hour. I ended up taking a shower - I was glad that I had packed my bag a couple of nights ago....and by the time I called the nurse back, I was feeling PAIN. It was getting hard for me to breathe, and the nurse said that I could either wait until 8am for the doctor's office to open (THAT wasn't going to happen!!) or I could go on to the hospital...Adam got his things together and he called work and his mom and I called my mom and we were off to the hospital. By the time I got there, I was in major pain, and I will never forget how hard that walk was from the car to the ER entrance. When they brought me a wheel chair I could barely sit down - Adam went on and registered me and they wheeled me up to my room....

I will always have the utmost respect for nurses, because I know that's something I could never do. I had two of the best nurses - Ashley and Aimee! Ashley stuck with me for the whole time - Aimee left after awhile...but anyway, they checked the fluid that was coming out of me and sure enough, it was amniotic fluid. "We're going to have a baby today!" I felt so much like standing up and cheering when I heard those words - I was SOOOO HAPPY! I guess God DID hear my prayer! By the time 8:00am rolled around, I was going into regular contractions. Adam was there to help me breathe through them - Adam's mom came in, and Mom and Dad showed up later. Beth also came in.....I was dilated to 6 by about 9:30 or so...and in a LOT of pain. Dad stepped into the room briefly, waved to me, and walked out. The pain I felt at that time was so intense and strong....but it was different because what kept going through my head the whole time was I was going to have a baby when it was all over with!

Nevertheless, I made sure they knew I wanted an epidural!! It was a LOOOOONG time before I was able to get one - like 11:30?? They were somewhat backed up because apparently 7 other ladies had checked in that day to have babies as well. When the epidural finally took hold, I felt like a new person!! I remember Ashley asking me if I felt the contraction I just had, and I had no clue that I even had one! So anyway.....time went on, and at about 2:30 Dr. Nichols came in to check on me - I had dilated to 8, baby was at a -1 station...and nothing had changed when he came back an hour later. He said he would be back in an hour to check on me, and if nothing had changed, he would start talking C-section. I was determined to tell him that we would wait another hour - I didn't want the surgery if I was fine and the baby was fine. Well, turns out that I didn't have to worry about that because he was busy delivering all of these other babies and by the time he got back to me it was around 5:00pm and I had dilated to 10.

I started the major pushing at around 5:30....and an hour and a half later, Paul Daniel was born. He was 8lbs, 6ozs and 21 inches long. It was the hardest work I had ever done in my life. Adam and my mom were in the room and watched the whole thing, and between them and Ashley cheering me on I was able to make it. I was SOOOO muscle sore in my arms from all the pulling I had to do...it felt like he would NEVER make his way out! (The doctor had to do a little snipping to make sure he made it out)

I will never forget the feeling I had when they brought him to me for the first time and I saw that little face and his eyes looking at mine. He was so alert and so beautiful - I fell in love instantly! The rest of the night was a blur - between all the phone calls and emotions of the whole evening I only remember seeing Dean and her girls, and Adam went Hardees to bring me my first meal of the day. It was really late by the time I got down to my room.

My room was HUGE - it was actually a maternity suite that people would normally have to pay extra money. But because there were so many deliveries, we didn't have to pay the fee. So Adam had a couch to stretch out on and we had a lot of extra room. They brought Paul Daniel to me to begin nursing, which was a challenge. He had had a little bit of head trauma due to all the pushing I did so he was a little bit bruised up, plus he was circumcised the next day....to make a long story short, when it came time to take him home on Saturday, they informed us that he had some jaundice and wanted to keep him under the lights to get his level down. I was officially released from the hospital and was considered a guest - there was no way I was going to leave him there! So I would stay and pump since they wanted him to stay under the lights as much as possible and would supplement what little I could give him with formula to get his fluids in him and the nutrients he needed. It wasn't until Tuesday that I was actually able to bring him home - and I'll never forget the helplessness and loneliness I felt after everyone (Adam, grandmothers, etc) had left and I was left on my own. I wanted so bad to be with Paul Daniel, but at the same time I knew he needed to be under the lights - it was REALLY hard!

BUT the day finally came to take him home on Tuesday! The next couple of days seemed very unreal to me - I was tired, trying to teach myself and Paul Daniel how to nurse, trying to get my own rest and deal with my own aches and pains.....Wednesday we took him back to the hospital for bloodwork to check his bilirubin level and then to the pediatrician's office to talk to the lactation specialist about how I was doing with the nursing. When he left the hospital, he was 7lbs, 13 ozs, and Wednesday he had jumped to 15 ozs, so that made me feel good. I was supplementing him with the formula they gave me because I still didn't have the nursing thing down. After talking with the specialist, I decided to solely do breastmilk, and it wasn't long before he was latching on and I was figuring out what worked for me.

Friday I had my first pediatrician's appt - he is now 8lbs 3ozs and they were concerned that he still isn't at his birth weight, so I am going back next Tuesday to have him weighed again. I'm really not that concerned about it because I know that he's eating a LOT and is thriving, and that's all I can ask for.

Baby blues? Yes, I have had them - they are getting better, though. I don't really miss being pregnant, although I did enjoy the whole experience....at least until the last day or so....and I could have dealt without the swelling of the feet and ankles. I loved feeling him move inside of me, but I love having him WITH me more than that. But there are times when I'll turn on the lullabies on the cable music station at night and look at his little face and just cry because I have so much love for this little guy. It's a humbling feeling to know that he relies on ME for every little thing. I mean, how crazy is that?? There's times I feel so inadequate and unqualified for this calling as "mother" - and there's times that I wonder if I'll ever get it together. My life has changed so much in the last couple of weeks - it's very overwhelming when I think that it's no longer just me and Adam - we now have another PERSON in our family. It's a day by day adjustment because little Paul changes so much everyday and what works one day may not work the next for him. But I guess that's the joy in the journey!

So I guess this is a fitting end to my pregnancy blog - my plan is to continue another blog with updates and pictures of life with Paul Daniel. Don't know how much time I'll have to keep up with it, but it's worth a go, right? I'll post the link once it's up and running. Better run - time for another feeding!